‘So tell me – have you ever experienced an orgasm?’
These were words spoken to me by a medical professional several years ago now. I had never met this woman before and the words rolled off her tongue like it was the most normal question in the world. They shocked me.
Apologies if recording this for you has made you blush.
Don’t worry – I am not going to let you in to the inner workings of my sex life in this post, but I am going to use it as a space to encourage you to talk about sex.
Not on the internet…
Not to everyone you know…
But to someone…
Christians have a reputation for being a bit stuffy about sex, old fashioned, prudish even. In many ways we have earned it! Sometimes all that is heard from the Christian corner is negative – you mustn’t do x, or y, and definitely not z…
This is a real shame.
God made us as sexual beings, He invented sex and He thinks it is very good! The Bible celebrates sex, have a read of this:
‘How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine’. Song of Songs 7:6-9
In 1 Corinthians 7, married couples are encouraged to have sex, and lots of it.
Proverbs 5:19 says, ‘may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love‘.
God certainly isn’t ashamed to talk about sex. He made us, part of the make up he gave us was to be sexual and he encourages us to think and talk about how to live out our sexuality in a way that is for our good.
The Bible says loads about what is good for us as humans sexually, the point of this post is not to give a comprehensive treatment of how God wants us to live out our sexuality. For that have a read of the Bible and see what conclusion God comes to.
My aim here is simply to say that we don’t need to be ashamed of our sexuality and it is good to have a few friends in your life who you can talk about these things with.
We don’t have to figure these things out on our own.
Sex is something we hear loads about, in our culture, from nights out, magazines and films. But is there anyone in your life who you can talk to, really talk to about it?
Whether happily single, desiring sex or maybe scared of it, dating and unsure of what goes and what doesn’t, or married and struggling with sex or really enjoying it. Your history might be peppered with bad experiences, regrets, abuse, trauma even. Or you might be inexperienced, hopeful, excited, perhaps confused.
These experiences are common. Even in the relationships where sex is easy, thrilling and full of safety, love and intimacy, there will come times when it is difficult. There are so many reasons – illness, child birth, loss of desire, exhaustion, I could go on…
What are your hopes, struggles, fears and battles at the moment?
Are you walking them alone? Or have you got a trusted friend or two who can walk the journey with you?
Do you struggle in this area? We all do sometimes… Who could you show some vulnerability with, open up to? It might be a blessing to you and it could help them find relief and help in being able to share with you too.
Whether single, dating or married – we all need trusted friends with whom we can talk about these things, who we can ask questions of, share challenges with and encourage.
I wouldn’t recommend going in with the question the medical professional posed to me! But with a close and trusted friend, how about asking something like:
- How are things going in your marriage/relationship at the moment? Are there any particular joys or struggles?
- Are you finding you and [insert name of partner] get enough time together? Are you able to communicate love and care for each other? How is that going?
- I am finding [insert your challenge] hard at the moment, is there anything you are struggling with? Perhaps we can help each other.
- How are you finding the joys and struggles of singleness at the moment?
- I guess we all have a distorted view of sex and sometimes it is hard and awkward to talk about but I hope we might be able to in order to help each other grow in this area. What do you think?
Just some ideas to get these conversations started…